Do you still have your period?
false alarm. still invincible.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
