$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
