ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
