Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
