I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
