You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
