to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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