Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Boobs are out for the taking
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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