i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
