I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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