And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
