I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
