Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
