dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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