Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
