If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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