Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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