hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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