Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
