I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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