just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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