I puked a lego.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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