I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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