You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Green mimosas i think yes
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Randomize
