peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
