Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
