I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
