Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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