Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
