i think my tv is drunk
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
