we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
