Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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