Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
