he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
