I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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