I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
