ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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