she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
