Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
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I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
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Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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