Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
