I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just saw a hot homeless man
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
50% drunk capacity currently
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
