I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
