I think i sorta joined a cult last night
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
