life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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