just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
