that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
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He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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