God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I am puke
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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