Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
