I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
