I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
