a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
