I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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