That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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