nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
