Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
