there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
