The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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