when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
