spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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