What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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