I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
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we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Vodka?
Forever.
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I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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