we're making bets on your personal life
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
