I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
