the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
