Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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