idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
