I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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